Question: What does a 20-year-old college student do during an entire 8 days at home when “home” is a beautiful, albeit remote, farm-like property with no cable, less-than-reliable cell phone service, and dial-up internet which takes 4 hours to load 3 lousy minutes of a single YouTube video? (Not that I’m complaining or anything.)
Let me tell you.
First, you gotta get your priorities straight. Nothing keeps me from spending some quality time with Patrick the pillow and Cathy the comforter. (And on really chilly nights, Quinetta the quilt.) If you ask me, those scientists don’t know what they’re talking about. Seven to eight hours of sleep a night? Pshaw. I could have slept all week and still have begged for more.
Upon waking, skip the shower, I repeat, SKIP IT! Even when among my own kind in civilization, I’m not a big believer in hygiene. It’s vanity, I tell you, pure vanity! Shampoo? Moisurizer? Oatmeal scrub body wash? Nothing more than evil vices. Did the pilgrims need these trifles? Nay, and neither do I. Especially when the only ones around to smell me (all family members aside) have hooves.
Don’t get me wrong, bathing does have its place. But so does Captain Crunch. And if I remember my fifth grade math well enough, Captain Crunch > Bathing. (The duck’s bill does eat the greater one, right?)
After being thoroughly crunchetized, one has some major decisions to make. Option A: Take a nap. Option B: Play badminton. Option C: Get out the good ol’ bucket of sidewalk chalk and decorate the driveway. Option D: Dress up like the spooky creatures from “The Village” and peek out from behind the bushes at any cars that pass by. Option E: Make some ridiculously embarrassing home videos featuring contestants on a show called “The Biggest Gainer” and their demanding trainers who yell at them to cram more pizza down their throats during the Last-Chance Pig Out before the weigh-in. Option F: Four words: Sunday school flannel board. aka FUNNEST TOY KNOWN TO MAN! Well, I guess technically it’s not a toy. But that doesn’t diminish it’s fun-ness a smidge.
Oh, have I ever introduced you to K-Dizzle? She is a sibling of mine who, conveniently, is homeschooling this year and therefore is around all day providing me with endless amusement reading The Grapes of Wrath. Here she is, dressed in traditional Things-We-Don’t-Speak-of garb:
So that’s what I did until Friday. Quite a productive week, was it not? But to top it all off, I went as a chaperone with my church’s youth group to a gigantic conference Friday and Saturday. Because nothing brings me joy like jumping around like a fool in a mosh pit surrounded by oodles of stinky 13 year old boys. And because no one is more qualified to chaperone than someone who sits around in her Space Jam jammies eating Captain Crunch and doodling with sidewalk chalk.
And that is how I lived it up during Spring Break 09. (Oh, and I’d like to say a special thank you to my dear friends who went to Myrtle Beach and rubbed it in my face. How thoughtful of you!)