Anna to the Max

the epitome of quirkiness

Think of me when you’re lazing about and heating up leftover pie. November 25, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 2:11 am

For those of you who have only recently begun reading this blog, I work retail. In the world of retail we have this special 24 hour time period which this year falls on November the 28th. It goes by the super cheery-sounding name of Black Friday.

I can recall only one time in my life when I decided to join the hordes of crazed shoppers who somehow overcome the effects of tryptophan and brave the dangers of frostbite in dark hours rarely seen by normal humans to stake out their territory along the aisles of the electronics department at Walmart in hopes of snatching up discounted laptops. The year I went I witnessed an army of grouchy, sweatpant-clad, makeupless women. To this day I can hear the crash of ramming shopping carts as it echoed throughout the store. It was ugly. After that I vowed to always sleep in and spend the day in the safety of my home watching the wishbone dry out.

But this very Friday I will be stationed at the good ol’ service desk at 5:45 am. I’ve been waking up in cold sweat after dreaming about furious, torch-wielding shoppers clambering over the counter and grabbing at my neck because there are no more Wiis. In another nightmare I get to work several hours early and still can’t find a parking space. Eventually I pull into the firelane and race to clock in. Chaos fills the entire 126,000 square feet. The restrooms, especially, are in complete uproar and I spend the entire day dashing back and forth with armfuls of toilet paper trying in vain to keep the stalls stocked.  Hell hath no fury like a woman facing a restroom of empty cardboard tubes.

A sympathetic pal offered to to break my leg or infect me with the measles so I can call in sick. Now that right there is what I call true friendship.


One Response to “Think of me when you’re lazing about and heating up leftover pie.”

  1. Nicole Says:

    Anna….your blog is totally. and. completely. hilarious!!! Yes. I did add you to my Google Reader (in my “friends folder”, just fyi) and went through last night and read every single last one of your posts. You’re part of the reason why I’m tired at work this morning.

    I won’t make you feel totally horrible by telling you that I get Thanksgiving AND Black Friday off, and that I’m going to go to a sleepover at my grandparents’ house that night and just generally do nothing all day. AND, that my dad has a rule that all Christmas presents have to be purchased BEFORE Thanksgiving, so I won’t even buy a single thing on Black Friday. And….wait. I said I wasn’t going to tell you about that. I guess I have to downplay it now. It’s not exciting. It’s not exciting one little tiny bit. Not at all. Not at ALL. Am I repeating myself? Am I repeating myself?

    Okay. I really must stop, because this comment is considerably longer than the blog post, and that’s, like, a huge no-no in the blogging world, isn’t it?

    If you DO end up getting some friendly help in the legitimate-call-in-sick department, I’d offer to come spend the day with you (misery loves company, you know) but there’s this little problem that I live about as far away from you as you can be without needing a passport.

    Happy Thanks-g!

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