Anna to the Max

the epitome of quirkiness

I’m alive. November 30, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 12:21 am

I survived the madness that was Black Friday. It wasn’t as mad as I thought it would be. Nobody climbed over the counter to choke me, but the restrooms were a war zone. I’m just happy to be alive.

Stupid materialism.

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Think of me when you’re lazing about and heating up leftover pie. November 25, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 2:11 am

For those of you who have only recently begun reading this blog, I work retail. In the world of retail we have this special 24 hour time period which this year falls on November the 28th. It goes by the super cheery-sounding name of Black Friday.

I can recall only one time in my life when I decided to join the hordes of crazed shoppers who somehow overcome the effects of tryptophan and brave the dangers of frostbite in dark hours rarely seen by normal humans to stake out their territory along the aisles of the electronics department at Walmart in hopes of snatching up discounted laptops. The year I went I witnessed an army of grouchy, sweatpant-clad, makeupless women. To this day I can hear the crash of ramming shopping carts as it echoed throughout the store. It was ugly. After that I vowed to always sleep in and spend the day in the safety of my home watching the wishbone dry out.

But this very Friday I will be stationed at the good ol’ service desk at 5:45 am. I’ve been waking up in cold sweat after dreaming about furious, torch-wielding shoppers clambering over the counter and grabbing at my neck because there are no more Wiis. In another nightmare I get to work several hours early and still can’t find a parking space. Eventually I pull into the firelane and race to clock in. Chaos fills the entire 126,000 square feet. The restrooms, especially, are in complete uproar and I spend the entire day dashing back and forth with armfuls of toilet paper trying in vain to keep the stalls stocked.  Hell hath no fury like a woman facing a restroom of empty cardboard tubes.

A sympathetic pal offered to to break my leg or infect me with the measles so I can call in sick. Now that right there is what I call true friendship.

 

Ode to the bouldering gym. November 19, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 12:00 pm

Oh bouldering gym. Where to begin.

I admit, I didn’t really want to see you last night, but my roommate begged me to come along so she wouldn’t be the only girl in the group and the awkwardness would be kept at bay, so I caved. (The awkwardness was not quite kept at bay as conversation soon turned to that gentle topic, the passing of kidney stones).

Now I know I am only a novice and have much to learn. But why does it have to be so painful! My poor toes squished into those hideous pointy shoes. My hands, dry and cracked and chalky…and are these calluses I see forming?! But more painful by far, the succumbing to defeat. For, alas, I could only get halfway through two of your simplest courses.

Oh, bouldering gym. Your fake plastic rocks taunted my feeble grip while other really cool, super muscular hippyish climbers with their impressive climbing lingo and personalized chalkbags swooped effortlessly over the walls like that highly acclaimed spider up the waterspout.

They didn’t say anything, but they didn’t have to. I could read it in their eyes. “You, in that orange hoodie and those ridiculous corderoy pants. Don’t you know better than to climb in corderoy pants? I bet you’ve never eaten a clif bar in your life, you pansy.”

I’ll hand it to you, BG. You beat me this time. I don’t even have a decent threat to spit at you. But someday I will think of one, and it will be awesome.

 

Ahem… November 18, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 11:54 am

Madre y Padre (y anyone else needing some gift suggestions),

Not to place pressure on you or anything, but I hereby present the list.

During the next month I will also be keeping a list of things I definitely don’t have any desire to own.

Such as this extraordinary piece of headgear.

 

Sorry, this is not the place to look for a “cake that looks like a cassette tape”… November 17, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 3:37 pm

…or any of these other items that have led people to my blog via search engines:

mommy

brattybrit

tuwawi

daddy says I have to be a lady

roommates “our kitchen” swatter

“juno for halloween”

taught to be a lady!

Barney Fife get hiccups

office guy klondike commercial

slimy green ingredient for a disgusting

bus “tattoo sleeves”

scotch tape ministry

 

Howdy do, WordPress neighbors! November 16, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 2:10 am

Have you ever noticed how many blogs are dedicated to knitting? Or gaming? Or cooking? Or rantings about failed romances? Or alternative medicine for hemorroids? And who knew there were so many blogs written in Danish and Indonesian!

Thank you, WordPress random blog generator arrow. I don’t know how I could have put off preparing for Tuesday’s presentation without you.

 

Looks like November. November 4, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 5:33 pm

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