Anna to the Max

the epitome of quirkiness

Oh, unidentified place of work. Looks like I’ll squeeze another silly post out of you yet. March 1, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 2:54 am

Well, dear readers, it was another long Saturday at the store that I work at but try not to mention by name on the world wide web because I’d like to remain employed there for as long as possible. Pizza Hut girl was injured, so who was the obvious candidate for a substitute? Why, service desk worker girl, of course! Dun da da dun! Never mind that she’s not actually trained in that field; the second she slips on that grungy apron and grease-stained baseball cap, she becomes the epitome of hotness.  

I tell you, you have yet to experience true boredom if you’ve never been stuck behind the Pizza Hut counter for two hours with no one to talk to but the breadsticks, which, I just learned, are supposed to go in the toaster upside down to prevent that very tooth-chipping quality mine always obtain. I also learned to check to make sure there is, in fact, marinara sauce in the marinara sauce vat before selling three breadstick combos. Oopsies! My b.

The best part of being the clueless Pizza-Hut fill-in? You don’t need training to wash dishes! Except you sort of do because there’s this special solution and the dishes have to soak in each of the three sinks of various temperatures of water for various amounts of time, blah blah blah. Oh, look, here comes our Starbucks buddy to get some soapy water of his own. But what’s this? A lecture on wearing three-quarter pants? You did not just make fun of my work duds. Am I going to have to go all Bon-Qui-Qui on you? 

Fast forward to mid afternoon. Let’s look in on our service desk worker girl-turned pizza hut girl- turned cashier. (My, what stylish capris she’s wearing!) A customer lays his soon-to-be purchases on the counter. She can’t help but laugh as she bags three big bottles of hot sauce…and four boxes of our Pepto-Bismol knock-off. There you go sir. No, you have an excellent day. Oh, the things people buy/say/do.

 

Chronicles of the Kangaroo Ninja Cannibals February 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 9:26 pm

Written by my little sister, Shelley-boo. What a card.

One day the cannibalistic pack of giant kangaroos were online ordering plane tickets to Bulgaria when their miniscule neighbor, Chiff, came to their house wanting to borrow their mixer. “It’s for my aging nephew, Chip,” he confessed. The kangaroos saw no harm in it so they gave it to him not knowing that Chip had three eyes.

After a week the kangaroos’ plane tickets had arrived in the mail. They were soon all packed and ready to take pictures and video of all the attractions, but when they were getting their cookie-making supplies ready they realized that Chiff still had their mixer. They were outraged and vowed to get it back in a ninja-like fashion. They synchronized their watches, and realized that they only had 15 minutes to get to the airport. They had almost given up hope when they remembered that they had grappling hooks, exploding dental floss, and harpoon guns. “This is perfect,” the chief exploded.

The pack snuck into chiff’s house and were pleased to see that he and Chip were hibernating out of season by mistake. They easily located and took their mixer. The kangaroos made it to the airport just in time. They deeply enjoyed their trip to Bulgaria especially when they were offered a job as a pack of ninjas.

 

Does anyone else feel grossly misled by Ebert and Roeper? February 17, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 2:25 am

Forget Blockbuster; your public library is seriously the place to find quality entertainment. More specifically, the non-fiction DVD section of your public library. I mean, come on.”Virtual Soccer Skills”? “The Guns of Smith and Wesson”? “End Spyware Forever”? These are just a few of the titles I found while perusing the documentaries after realizing that someone with impeccable taste had beat me to it and checked out “Adventures of Scamper the Penguin.” But move over, Scamper, cause I think I’ve found some new faves. Who wouldn’t want to borrow “The Joy of Stress” or “Eggs 101″ for their next sleepover? Or “Bonejuvenate”? Or “A Woman’s Guide to Firearms”? Or-hello- “Potty Whispering”?

Put me on the waiting list for that one.

 

Don’t pretend you don’t have a patronising internal cheerleader too. February 8, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 10:16 pm

Anna Harris
English 325
Dr. Jensen
8 February 2009

Anna, you can do it. You can finish this by Tuesday morning. It’s only a take home test. You can also finish all your reading and your art project. And find time to work out with SR so you can look like a hottie. How, you ask? Simple.

Spend three hours sitting in the recliner listening to Ingrid Michaelson and watching ridiculous you-tube videos featuring people dropping water balloons on Port-a-Potties. Fall asleep a few times. Pour yourself a mug of orange juice even though you’ve always hated the stuff. Procrastinate by writing yourself pointless letters about not procrastinating. Then post them on your blog so everyone will know how studious you are.

OhlookoneofthepurpleNerdsyouwereeatinghasslippedunderyourspacebar.PoorJorge. There we go. That wasn’t so painful; we didn’t even have to sacrifice the Alt key. How pretty your bronze toenails are. I hope Rachael Roomie hasn’t gotten nabbed on her evening walk. Good thing you had her take a switchblade along. My, your mind is an interesting thing. Don’t forget you have to submit that essay to the Lee Review by tomorrow. And figure out when you work next. Maybe that sweet old lady will come through your line again with her husband who always dresses like a safari guide. You know, your family went on a safari in Africa a few years ago and your cousin Mufasa was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests. Tragic. And who is responsible for deciding it’s spelled “wildebeests” instead of “wildebeasts”?

We might never know. Now that’s a scary thought.

 

Happy Holidays and all that jazz January 11, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 5:34 pm

Let’s have a moment of honesty here: never have I been so glad that the Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza/New Years/Deepavali/Advent/Epiphany/Fill in the Blank season is over. Before you go calling me names that rhyme with “Groodge,” go back and take another look at this post, or perhaps this one, or this. Remember where I work? Exactly.

However, while I wish I could say the same about the four weeks preceding, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were lovely. And while presents definitely aren’t everything, I thought I’d let you know a few items I received:

The Marshmallow Shooter- not a drink, but a weapon from Rachael Roomie’s dad to RR, roomie #2 and me. Thank you, Mr. D. You might find it hard to believe, but being hit with a mini marshmallow in the face causes a sharp stinging sensation. I’m looking forward to discovering what kind of sensation skittles, peanuts, and bits of gravel cause during tonight’s 2 a.m. ambush that I’ve been plotting. Mwah ha ha. Jk, people, jk.

The Buddha Box- I was speechless when I unwrapped this ornate and unexpected gift. Thank you, Mama Bean. I was even more speechless when I read the words “The world will see your glory!” written in black sharpie directly above Buddha’s head. Um, let’s get together for lunch this week and have a deep theological discussion, MB. I look forward an enlightening explanation about your beliefs on nirvana and karma, especially regarding their relation to our old pal Jesus?

Moving along.

The Smoothie Maker Which I Will Be Using This Blessed Morning To Create A Fruity, Yogurty 12 oz. Masterpiece- here’s looking at you, Shelley-boo. Sorry about the lame-ish piggy calendar I got you….

 

Homeless for a day December 19, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 4:46 pm

You know you’re a serious blogger when an unfortunate circumstance arises and your first thought is “Sweet! This’ll make a great post.”

The past two days Bloggy Mommy and I have been working our keisters off to get 120 gifts wrapped and ready for some kids in a neighboring state. To get some extra motivation we decided to broadcast ourselves live via webcam from the ministry office. Between cutting, taping, and yelling “Yes! Only 23 more!” we had several almost-meltdowns when we ran out of blue spotted wrapping paper and scotch tape. But there’s nothing like belting out “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” to a group of complete strangers watching from around the world to lift your spirits. I also tried to sell the viewers some of our leftover t-shirts the printer goofed up. Oh yes. If you’re hankering for a hideous army green and hot pink t-shirt I can hook you up.

We finally finished the gifts and loaded them in the car shortly after 11 pm, then went our separate ways. It was then that I realized my house key was locked inside the house and that Rachael Roomie and Roomie #2 (who for some reason has remained nameless) were both out of town.

Luckily Bloggy Mommy had not gone to bed yet and was more than willing to offer me her spare room. I awoke this morning relishing the thought of getting a key from my landlord so I could go home and brush my teeth.

My landlord is on vacation is in Florida and my teeth are still fuzzy. (I refuse to buy myself another toothbrush because I have 11 of them, also safely locked inside the house. It’s a long story). My hair is clean, though, because I came back to the office this morning and washed it in the sink with handsoap. I contemplated driving to Target and blowdrying it under the hand dryers, but decided to just blot it with some paper towels.

Fortunately, being temporarily homeless gave me several empty hours to actually begin my Christmas shopping, and wandering around the mall all afternoon has made me start counting down the minutes until I get to leave for work. Yippy skippy.

 

Vacay in the peach state December 17, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 2:24 pm

After a week or two of waiting until the 11th hour to study and finish projects with the help of several hundred ounces of good ole Folgers being an especially responsible, diligent, studious pupil who carefully paced herself during finals, I was more than ready to spend a relaxing weekend with a friend in Georgia. We found a cute little cabin online and were delighted to find that they were having a Christmas special.

Fast forward to last Sunday. We got turned around a time or two (or seventeen) en route to our rustic mountain getaway, but thanks to our pal Tom-Tom we finally got back on track. Then we ran over a squirrel. There was much screaming, laughing, and weeping, and I looked in the rearview mirror to see the poor rodent flopping around like a fish. We felt guilty for running over the pathetic creature, but decided the most compassionate thing to do would be to crush him under our tires a second time and send him to the happy hunting grounds.  In a matter of seconds we turned around and were flying down the mountain to finish off Nutsy. The little booger must have smelled us coming because he peeled himself off the asphalt and scampered off into the forrest. But our tender hearts couldn’t bear the thought of letting him live with an injured paw, so we decided to go it on foot with our slingshots.

I kid. No, we decided it would be more fun to get lost again and find ourselves stuck in a muddy ditch. I was in my white church clothes laughing and taking pictures of the spinning tires when our hero swooped in driving a white Jeep. A little rope, the revving of an engine, a puff of exhaust fumes and all was right once again.

So we made it to the cabin. It was beautiful. Although we were confused by which window looked out over the “breathtaking view.” Tree branches? A gravel road? A barbeque pit? They all take my breath away.

I kid, I kid. It was a perfectly lovely trip. We didn’t encounter a single six-legged creature the entire time. That’s my cup of tea.

 

My so-called “job” December 13, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 12:16 am

I had to tear myself away from my “work” to update all of you. (Basically, I’ve earned $14 the past two hours for eating a breakfast burrito. What can I say. I have some mad skills.) I’m a student worker at every graduation here at school, which pretty much amounts to three days of dressing up and eating free food. ‘Tis a great sacrifice, but you know me. I make it willingly.

Anyway, on an unrelated topic, I have a confession. I have not yet started my Christmas shopping. I have been living in total denial that the holiday even exists. I’ve even wished once or twice that I was Jewish so I could happily be spinning my little dreidl and not have to venture into the insanity downtown. But don’t worry. Procrastinating and then whipping something up at the last minute is my forte.

How else do you think I survive finals week every semester?

 

A victory of epic proportions December 11, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 12:36 am

If I could have your attention for a moment: I crocheted something…and actually finished it. It’s a hat. I’m thinking of calling her Myrtle. She’s a vision of purple with the cutest little pom-pom on top. *Sniff* I have never been so proud. BUT that’s not all. Because last night I learned how to knit (!) Can you believe it? Snaps for Anna.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE. No, I have not taken up basket weaving or soapmaking. I passed Earth and Space Science! Yes, I’m just that good. Not only can I skillfully manipulate yarn with nothing more than a stick and turn it into a masterpiece, I can also tell you all you ever wanted to know about igneous and metamorphic rocks, tectonic plate movement, and refractor telescopes. But not for long because the facts are quickly evaporating from my brain and tomorrow I toss out my notes. Actually, what I’d like to do is to douse them in kerosene, take a torch to them, and dance around like a banshee yelling “Die, die, die!” But alas, we are fresh out of kersosene.

 

Just another manic saturday (not for those with weak stomachs) December 7, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Anna @ 1:16 pm

Some words to describe last night at work…

little. kid. threw. up. all. over. in. front. of. the. service. desk. it. took. forever. to. clean. up. and. was. a. group. effort.  I. almost. gagged. myself*. a. horde. of. teenagers. kept. messing. around. with. the. wheelchairs. and. were. talking. about. shoplifting. silly. hooligans. a. lady. tried. to. return. a. guitarhero. with. half. the. parts. missing. five. people. called. in. sick. didn’t. leave. till. 12:30. a.m.

BUT that’s okay, because tonight is our 80’s party. And Tuesday night is gangster knitting. There’s little that some blue eyeshadow and yarn won’t fix.

*At least it wasn’t like the last time I cleaned up vomit, when I could actually tell what the person had eaten. It appeared that the little girl had breakfasted on fruity pebbles and bacon. Did you need to know that? Probably not.